Trust the process…
So I just read a very profound thought well, at least for me, that said
“ It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply”, dare I say it hit a nerve also when Aurora made it impossible to let it slide by singing, “And I was running far away…” Irony!
How many of us give ourselves a chance to process the hurt or a situation we have been through that has exhausted us emotionally? I, for one, would drown my sorrow listening to music and reading my way to eternity. And it is so funny that every time I want to share my thoughts here is because of some conversations I have in the day.
After a lot of struggle, I have come to terms with the fact that I have a fear that is so deep-rooted that now when I think back has always been the root cause of all the issues I have ever had. Here is where I skip the boring details of what, why, when, who, and how. Ironically, the fact was that I would always advise my friends that the first step of processing any incident is that we should accept it that it happened and how I being the smart ass that I am mostly never did it.
I did not realize the amount of hurt that I had in me just because I was available for people, and concealing it and not acknowledging it made me a person with high functioning anxiety, which was camouflaged by my very own best friend for life and ladies and gentlemen I would like to introduce you to Overthinking!!
Now you might have met s/he during regular intervals of time and let me tell you if s/he had their way I think we all would end up being alone. They like to mess up your already emotionally not so rationally thinking brain and coerce it into believing whatever the heck it wants. What did my overthinking make me do you ask, well it made to make myself to be emotionally available to people who had no business at all to be in my life… It went to the extent where not only did I get emotionally exhausted, but it made me go emotionally unavailable for even myself.
But one thing I am really, really proud of is the fact that I have managed to score people in my life who had, have, and will always have my back! To the two precious women, I have in life gosh! One taught me the courage to dive headfirst and another taught me to face it with all my might.
Well, having said that doesn’t mean that I have healed and that I am preaching I am not, healing is a process, a lengthy one for that matter, and it will haunt you, it will haunt you with scenarios of events you wish had a very different ending, making you wish that if only you dared to say or do what you wanted to do things would have been different and that is the exact moment I want you to think about the fact that whatever you are today, it is because of what happened, and that is when I want you to decide how to process that particular event and on which side do you want to be. The one that says that it happened, and I will make sure it won’t happen again, or it happened, and I don’t want to get over it and run the same scenes until I have hurt myself enough that I lose my self-worth. Everyone deals with hurt in their way; at the least, I want to think it that way, and if not, honey then I suggest getting your bearing together and deal with it because ultimately, it takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations.