If not me then who?

Welcome to another write-up of my most ignored blog! I hope you guys are doing good under the given circumstances.

So, unlike others who couldn't give themselves a break, yours truly took a namesake vacation and traveled the length and breadth of her hometown or home state is more accurate at this point. Thanks to my amazing cousin and his lover who decided to get married and also congratulations to you guys! I know you are going to have a fantastic life ahead! Cheers to living, love, and laughter and also to more crazy dancing sessions ft. Jassie Gift and of course us!

Someone once did tell me that there will come a certain time in your life when you will decide that you are done playing around and that you start seeing yourself in a way that will make you realize your own worth and what is it that want in your life and that sane person was also kind enough to tell me that it will happen very suddenly, you wake up from your sleep and kaboom!

That is what exactly happened to me. One fine morning I woke and decided that from today onwards I am going to be brutally honest, going to make myself my priority and not give one cent to what people think about me.

So, people who have seen me know how I look, I do not belong to the setting or the category of what the society or people think are the beauty standards. I am still battling with the weight and body image issues that the so-called people have perceived. I have been called out for the way I have dressed on many occasions and I have changed a minimum of 5 outfits before I have to step out of my house because of the classic “log kya kahanege ” or what will people say.

I have always been told the way I should be dressed because being a big woman and wearing dresses that I would like would always end as me being a laughingstock for others. Not only that but I am still told that I cannot wear certain items of clothing because it makes me look bigger.

See the thing is even if I want to not heed the advice I get and wear what I like and be in a public space the stares that I get from the people who surround me, makes me want to crawl inside my skin, I am sorry for the harsh words but almost all the time disgusted because I am being judged for what I am wearing.

It is funny how people describe me to others, for example: Oh she is a sweet girl, but the only problem is she is you know a bit fat or moti. Another one: oh she is a great human, but then you know she is huge.

One thing that I still fail to understand is why am I being judged for my body type? The heck, why am I being judged for that matter? Why is it that I am always compared to my body rather than my talent, or my character, or something else other than my body? Am I not human enough for you or what?

Why is it that my body image is the only thing you choose to see? What about my talents, not claiming that I have an incredible brain, but I might have something else rather than just my body right? Or am I too crazy to think so?

It took me a very long time to start loving myself for what I look like, to be confident in my own skin, and trust me I was happy until I realized that this isn't going to make any change in my life until I start calling people out for their opinions. Why the heck does it bother you that I look the way I look, until I am healthy why should it be an issue to anyone that I am what I am.

Do you have any idea what the unwanted opinion of people does to the person on the receiving end? Have you ever given a thought about it? If not let me give you a gist: We start hating ourselves, we feel disgusted, we feel like we are good for nothing, we feel utterly useless, we feel that until we don't have the desired body type we won't be heard, it destroys us rather it kills us from the inside.

It is also not because we need validation from anyone, but at least then they will shut up about the weight or the body and move the heck on and let us live in peace. I am a simple woman who just wants to live her life on her terms and peacefully. I know what I am and isn't that enough for others?

Before I end this piece all I want to say is that this is not directed to any one person in particular, but if it has hit you then it's high time you rethink. This isn't just me who is facing something like this, the sad reality is that there are others suffering in silence.

So in conclusion I would like to say that I love myself, I love myself unapologetically, and it took me 17 years to figure it out and since I did I would like to keep it that way and if my honesty hurts your feelings I am sorry, but that would be totally on you. So I would like to say that let me live my life on my own terms and let me be happy! I am in love with myself and the way I look, the way I think, and the way I speak it is me and I want to be like me!



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store