Metanoia
(n.): The journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self or a way of life.
Don’t grieve, Anything you lose comes around in another form said Rumi.
Now this quote got me thinking and boy did it hit deep.
We grieve a lot don’t we? About things about people about relationships about love and in the process of grieving we forget what has gone has come in a different form.. either we are too stubborn to acknowledge it or scared to feel it or sometimes too angry to even notice it and what follows is our grumbling.
Funny how even with the time we have got ourselves right know willingly or not we still find instances to grumble upon.
I wouldn’t lie that I haven’t done the same but atleast I had accepted that I am scared to feel again oh boy! I am scared to death about what will happen 5 minutes later. And you know what, it feels good to say it out loud, well in my case writing it out has helped me realise it.
But it wasn’t a case when it came to Karthik. He wasn’t afraid to feel, he was ready to be scared.
Sanskriti couldn’t help but think about him after Manu had left her home she was anxiously waiting for the idiot Manu to text her that he had reached home safely.
That is when she got a text from Karthik.
Karthik: Hello Sanskriti.
Damnit woman! why do you have such a long and a classy name!
Well your name isn’t why I texted you I just wanted to thank you for a beautiful evening and having beautifully handled the ambush.
Well okay I should just end it here before I make a complete fool of myself.
She read the message for the second time and this time she could hear his beautiful voice speaking in her head and that got her thinking about how anxious he might be waiting for her reply.
Sanskriti: Hey Karthik.
Hahah! I can’t help it but I have kind of let that name grow on me..
And hey look who is talking about the name game eh!
And yes thank you to you too, for not just keeping the conversation one sided and making the evening even more beautiful.
And that is all it took for them to start a conversation that jumped from topic to topic and getting into a comfortable space where made fun of each other.
For Sanskriti, it had been really long since any man had engaged her in a very interesting conversation where her opinion mattered.
And then suddenly..
Karthik: okay this is going to sound really weird and out of the blue question, but still I am going to ask this..
Can I call you? Like can we carry on this conversation on a call? I would really like to hear your voice.
Sanskriti just stared at the message and froze. What was she supposed to do? I mean he did take her by surprise? Does she want to? Cursing herself she was about to reply when he texted her again
Karthik: okay I really did make a fool of myself. I am sorry I didn’t mean to put you on a spot.
Sanskriti: Shut up ya! I was just going to reply to you by saying call me in 5?
Hahaha! Oh my god! You are really adorable.. 😄
They spoke for hours without noticing the time or feeling the need to end the conversation … well atleast not until it was 6 in the morning when Sanskriti noticed the sky changing its colour in the wake of sunrise..
Sanskriti: hahahah! Okay I think I should go now! By the way Good morning to you mister it is almost 6.
Karthik: the heck seriously!?? I didn’t even realise it! Oh damn! Yes! I think we should go..
There was a silence which spoke the unspoken words..
Don’t go… don’t end this.. it is too beautiful!
Karthik: well I was saying…
Sanskriti: for God sake! Shut up for 5 mins will you! Just enjoy the silence!
And just like that! They were back at being teenagers again. The silence grew heavy and so did the tug not wanting to end the call…
Breaking the silence she said…
Thank you Karthik… for this beautiful morning! It has been ages since I have been awake talking to someone and witnessing a sunrise.
Karthik: no thank you for this beautiful morning!
Neither of them ended the call.. waiting for each other to end the call, bickering about who should cut the call..and that is when he said it!
Karthik: okay I need to say this! I have to say this!
I have fallen for you! I fuck! I fucking love you!
All she said was…
You kidding me! I love you too…
And just like that!
She remembered Rumi…
If you want the moon,
Do not hide from the night
If you want a rose,
Do not run from the thorns
If you want love,
Do not hide from yourself.
The End
