Never Have I Ever…

Completely healed! There I said it; now it’s your turn.

The past few days have been very difficult for me to get through; it has been rough in all possible shades, or at least in my case.

These past few days have made me realize that I have made little to no progress with myself, made me doubt myself even more than ever, and worst of all, made me question myself and my integrity.

I think what is worse of all is the fact that I was betrayed by someone for whom I could have sacrificed my life in a heartbeat, and trust me, that is the feeling that I will never even wish for my worst enemy.

You know, you have one person in your life who knows every naked, darkest, and deepest secret. You share every waking moment talking to them through your life as if they are also playing the same main character energy as you are, and later you realize that this same person was talking behind your back and was spreading godawful truth about you.

Let me rephrase it for you: it feels like someone threw a grenade at you, and you are living with the consequences of someone else’s action and are constantly justifying yourself because of that person’s actions.

I have considered confronting that person ten thousand times, but what good is it going to do for me? Isn’t the damage already done?

I have reached a juncture where I can’t talk to that person as I used to, yet I do not have the heart to cut that person off my life. That person is too important for me to even think about it; it physically hurts me to even think about it.

So like any irrational person, I decided to let it go for my own good!

I won’t lie and say that it was very easy for me to do, and I certainly do not want you to applaud my stupidity and make me a bigger person here.

It’s a m*****f*****g pain to do this, but I have to; I have no other option!

But the entire point is that I thought that I was okay with it; it turns out I am hurting so bad, and can you imagine that I can’t confide in my person anymore?

This is me telling people who are reading this: don’t be an idiot like me and pretend that you are healed from your past miraculously; take your sweet time processing everything; absorb it, feel it, accept it, and finally start working on it!

Because, honey, life is too short to live with unhealed feelings.

Thank you for reading through my rambling session, I think I will just get back about my business and not pretend like nothing happened!